The Real me

Sometimes
there are some scenarios in our life that are so ironic….it’s so
ironic that we wanted to get rid all of it..but we just can’t…

I hate my attitude…i hate myself for being extremist… in many things…there are a lot of things that’s good but most of the time it’s not…. I can’t understand myself for some scenarios… I always believe in MIND over MATTER thingy…actually me and my friend experienced the same things…I think were too similar to each other we seems to tolerate each others weaknesses…but we thought that if we will continue to live in the same faulty scenarios of our life…nothing will happen….

We will just be the same….person we used to be….It’s very IRONIC that i am surrounded by those type of people….I have this big WEAKNESS that’s getting into my wickedness…It’s just so IRONIC that no matter how i tried to live my life in as much as clean as possible…but my surroundings won’t not let me….

Isn’t very IRONIC?…how to live with it.?.. when life is full of surprises and temptations you can’t even resist….

Today is quite a happy day for me!…weehh… i didn’t work today…although i’m in the office but my mind says not to do so…weehh… I’ve rested my mind for a while..

free from everything…free from worries…free from all…I’ve just talked to my friends…gathered all the memories we have during those times when i’m in the philippines… hahaha so happy…to bring those memories…

Thanks Bernard for making my afternoon delightful… hahaha…after all the chit chat we made…you really makes me feel better hahahaha..isa kang eklavu.. hahahaha…

I guess im moving forward with my life now. So blessed to have good friends out there whose willing to listen to all of my drama…for accepting the real me…even though i’m nuts and really crazy at times… hahahahha…

Thanks to all of you guys for making me feel better…weehhh….go Ley look ahead…and strive hard….this is not the place where you will fall because of your weakness…..hahahahha still need to focus and let those pain be out of your life completely…

Really thankful for all the blessings and for giving me such a good friends…I’m really blessed…

Where is my comfort zone? I guess that would be home… why do people get out of their comfort zone just to prove something…? for me life will not be good if people don’t get out of their shells…we must go to our limit…we must test our patience and our strength in facing life difficulties…

If i have regrets at the moment…i guess that would be…If i hurt other people feelings…If i hurted someone because of my choice…let me take this opportunity to apologized to those persons…. If i hurted someone because you love me so much…I’m sorry for all the pain i’ve caused you…

If i can bring back those times I guess i’ll choose to be fair…this time im embracing my maturity level…and yes i’m apologizing…although it’s too late but at least…I’ve realized that I really hurted your feelings more than ever… It’s you who love me at my weakest area…and aside from the fact that I left you..still you choose to love me no matter what…and now i wanted you to be happy…for once in your life…

For the past 4 years that we’ve been through…I wanted you to know how much i appreciate the love and care you’ve given me…

You really deserve to be happy…to be with someone who will neglect you…and who will stand by you…no matter what….who will not leave you to your weakest area…

I’m so sorry…you know who you are…

Everybody falls…no one survived in painful emotion of breaking up…Everyone experience the same thing whenever someone broke their heart…We really hate the person and we wanted them to get hurt so that life will be fair enough..so that we’ll be even…But Life is not like that…we have our own time to get hurt…to be happy…to be sad…to experience life most painful scenarios…We have our own time in experiencing those things. God alloted us a good time table for us to manage…it’s up to us if we will fall or pass but whatever the result might be…we hope that it’s not too late for us to Learn the most important lessons in our life.

People get hurt and sometimes lost her ego, it’s a normal thing…it’s a matter of gathering enough strength and standing from where you fall….

Time heals everything….but i hope that’s its not yet too late for me to heal….

Paano mabuhay ng normal ulet? Dalawang araw na ang nakakaraan…masakit magmahal…lalo na kung alam mong binigay mo ng lahat…pinaglaban mo…pinag-ukulan ng panahon…pinilit baguhin ang pananaw sa larangan ng pagmamahal…handa kong isakripisyo ang mga bagay bagay para lang mapatunayan ko kung gaano ko sya kamahal…PERO hindi sapat ang lahat ng yon…

Maghapon akong nakahiga sa kama ko, walang ginagawa…pinipilit matulog pero hindi naman makatulog…kinakausap ang sarili…kung bakit kailangan mangyari sa kin ang ganitong bagay…wala naman akong kasalalan…kasalanan ko bang mahalin kita? wala naman akong ginawang mali…para maramdaman ko toh…ang hinihingi ko lang naman simpleng eksplanasyon…mahirap ba un? 12 oras na kong nakahimlay kay bugoy…wala na kong magawa…nakapag basa na din ng libro, pero parang wala akong naintindihan sa mga ito….mabilis na lumipas ang oras…tinitignan ang ym list ko kung magoonline ka at baka sakaling kausapin mo ako…at ipaliwanag ang buong sitwasyon….

Sa kabila ng lahat…umaasa pa din ako….kahit sobrang sakit ng mga nangyari….kahit binale wala ung nararamdaman ko…ok lang…basta alam kong masaya ka sige lang…pero sa mga oras na toh…ang tanging hiling ko lang…pagiging patas…maging patas ka naman sana…kahit hindi na bilang karelasyon ano ba ung kahit simpleng kaibigan na lang…konting konsiderasyon sa nararamdaman ko….

Hindi ko hinihiling na mahalin mo ko ng buong buo…o ipangako mo ko sa kin ang bukas….ang hinihingi ko lang ay isang simpleng eksplanasyon na magsasabi sa kin at makakapagpatahimik sa kin….na alam ko nga talaga ang mga dahilan mo kung bakit mo nagawa sa kin yon.

Maintindihin akong tao…pero sana…man lang…kahit konti…hayaan mong intindihin ko din naman ang saking sarili kahit sandali lang….kahit sa mga oras na toh lang….

Enough…it’s too much…your pushing me through my limit…I never thought that loving you can bring so much pain in my life…I need your explanation…i really need it…even though its too bad and painful..i can still accept the reality…JUST EXPLAIN the whole thing…

EXPLAIN IT…

Which is better? A cheater? or the one being cheated? A dumper or the one being dumped? A person who leaves or the person who left behind? A present or the future?

Whoever it is…it’s still a one sided affair…Whether we like or not….there are still people who might get hurt in the end…even though we try not to…

A cheater will hurt the one being cheated…most likely the pain is the same…a cheated one might not win nor loss but in the end the most affected person is the "CHEATER" because he/she is not only cheated by the other person but also himself….the most painful things existing in this world is not knowing that your fooling yourself around…rather than the intended person….and in the end…You’re the one to suffer….

A dumper or the one being dumped? A dumper might think that its fair enough to let the other person knows that he don’t love her…Yes it is indeed…of course being HONEST doesn’t makes a person better…but otherwise…it’s a freedom of expression…The dumper is not thinking of himself…nor other’s people feelings…the only important thing is that he says the truth no matter what…which is FAIR enough in his part…but what about the person who’s being dumped…where in the first place…its not her choice to fall in love with the person who will not love her back? It’s painful and its thorning her into pieces..but still life must move on…Whether its painful or not..its a mere reality…in the end…the dumper and the one being dumped…experience the same agony of pain but this time its a different level… Who says the dumper is happy? it’s not… no one is happy in hurting one person because you didn’t like her….IF the feelings is just a gear…that you can shift….to makes the car faster….then i think life is too easy to handle and live with…

A person who leaves? or the person who left behind? This is another painful situation..A person who leaves might experience the pain of leaving the other one…but not as the person who left behind… A person who leaves…have the courage and enough strength to move on in his life without the other person stick to him…It means that the person who leaves is much more in control of his life…He perfectly knows how to maneuver things in his life…UNLIKE the other person who left behind….The person who left behind don’t have any idea that it should be this painful…that living without the other person makes her life miserable and wasted…They are the persons who have strong will to FAITH and have a longer patience in WAITING…even though waiting for them doesn’t assure anything from the other person… They are the one who have strong will to keep the other person happy…even though he left him for quite some time…Still FAITH and Waiting is the only key that was left behind….but still it’s never been easy for both of them…but if the person who leaves have a strong will to get into the other person…then i think this might work for some instances and Pain can be lesser though…its not assurance at all that the person who leaves might come back again….

A Present or the future? Many people focus into their future and neglects the importance of the present…Too busy to study, work, career and gaining all the assets they want to this world…but who cares?? The present is still existing…the present is important it makes you more human than any other things…it makes you wonder…it makes you feel natural….it makes you feel the real you…this so called present are the one always neglected…and yes it is painful..that sometimes people live ahead of time…and forget to cherish what they have now….

I’m weighing things from different perspective…and yes these are thoughts at the moment…I’m living in the present and this things are things that I cared about…I’ve been through a lot…I’ve experience all this things…and who says I’m happy….well I guess this is what life’s all about…

Maturity comes within to the people who wants it….and once you’ve realized that you’re already here…you have no choice but to act humanly as possible and hopes that your EGO don’t eats you out….