The Real me

Nobody said
that it would be easy, nobody said that it will be happy..

No one
reminded me….no one give me advice…cause they think that

i can do
all things… It would be easier if I’m always busy…busy to work

busy to
everything rather than being idle… I don’t want to pretend to my weakest

area…i
don’t want to pretend that I’m ok…I don’t want to pretend to myself.

 I want to feel the tears of my eyes…to feel my
emotional comfort…No one reminded me..that it will be so hard..

That it
could be so tough… I look at the window… and i see no one… I knock at

the door
and no one open… I run across the street and see no one…I shout out loud

and no one
complains… I come home again…and check the house and see no one…I open

the door at
every room that i can see…and see no one…after all the struggle..after

all the
searching…I find the mirror…and when i look into it…I SEE NO ONE…

WHY
EVERYBODY LEAVES ME?? or…AM I THE ONE WHO LEAVES?

After 3
days of busy days (othan…O.T. to the max level) here I am staring at my monitor
for almost 6 hrs hahahahha… Idle isn’t pathetic?? I just can’t imagine… after
the preparations for the demo and doing a lot of technical stuff… hahaha here’s
the reward… toink toink toink….I’m idle and bored… waaahhh…. That’s why I’m
quite homesick now… huhuhu .Today is Friday… waahhh…. I miss manila… I miss the
gimik nights… the hot shot of tequila and the madness of my friends…
harharhar.. I miss them all… oooppppsss… stop it Ley… let’s just face the
reality… your already here… hahaha I’m talking to myself now… hahahaha this is
bad… (ANING MODE ACTIVATED) well what should I write here ba? 

uhm.. Yes I
remember that topic. Speaking of the mentally ill people… in fairness I’m
amazed on how they figure out that their already insane or they just want to
stay in the mental hospital… hahaha after reading half of my friend’s book entitled
“Veronica Decides to Die” by Paulo Coelho… I now understand what are the root
causes of their problem or the cause of one person’s insanity… According to the
book at first those emotions were just sad, lonely, depression and that causes
our body to lose a lot of serotonin… Serotonin is a part of the body that is
responsible for emotions, when you lose this fluids you’ll feel some anxiety
and depression or the vitriol which is the disease of the soul… or for some
concept you have this feeling that you want to go out of the so called “Normal
life” where you do the normal things like for example you have to go to your
work, have breakfast, take a bath, take a bus/mrt/ ride in your car… time
in…etc..those routinely actions that is normally done by ordinary human being….
Some of them don’t want to experience the routine of life, they want to do
other things but they can’t do it…since people might misunderstood them… so
they kept it in themselves… until they can’t hold on anymore…. And then that’s
the start of their Insanity. Not all of them are insane…but most of them are
normal human being…it’s just they wanted to live in that place, because that’s
the only place where they can dwell into their frustrations and that’s the only
place where reality is a true reality with them.. They don’t need to be nice to
each other, they can cry, laugh at non sense situation, they can hurt each
others body and feel the pain… they can eat whatever they like because that’ s
the place where freedom dully exist… you wouldn’t think of what other’s might
think of you… you don’t need to protect your reputation in any sense, since all
of you are insane and no one will judge you for your actions…since all of you
are the same… they have the freedom to express themselves… they have the art of
expressing what’s on their mind… They can freely communicate with their body
and release it into actions… in which I think we don’t have … (hahahha I’m
speaking as insane here… hahahahha)  

Before I read
that book, my impressions with insane people are not good it’s like a
contagious disease that must be insolated…that must be controlled by healthy
human being…. But as I continue to read… I now understand why some people are
in that place… why they need to imprisoned themselves…. Because they can’t no
longer control their behavior their insanity… they are not normal…their
thinking is not the same with the ordinary… but the thing is… they are the one
whose smart, who can explore their mind… maybe 80-100% of their mind is really
working unlike us… hahahha they are the gifted people… they can search their
wildest imagination and transform it into action… in which I think is great…
hahahha now I wanted to go to that place.. hahaha.. no worries…no pressures…

I do
believe that all of us have their own insanity… but the thing is… we know our
limit…. That being normal doesn’t mean you’re not
insane, it just you know how to control your insanity….

Where: Singapore (MRT)

Involved: Filipinos

When: Sunday morning (June 10, 2007)

There were huge
volume of people in the MRT and everyone seems to have their own accompany
while me and my friend chose to keep silent and observe our surroundings… There
were different racial; on the other side you can see some Singaporeans talking
with their primary language (mandarin) and on the other side there were Indians
talking also in their (Indian language) at the bottom all of the people were
standing, most of them were Filipinos whose talking also (Tagalog language) and
most of the passengers are Americans, Malaysians and Thailander whose talking
and observing the places we went through. You wouldn’t see the difference of the Filipinos to other Asian ethnicity
except that in those short minute of our journey I can hear their hardship with
their employer.…  and then suddenly I realized
that these Filipinas are working as a DH (domestic helper) and when I stare to
them, suddenly I felt pity with them…not pity in the sense of being ashamed of my
fellow Filipinos but in a way pity for our country… and then I realized how
many of them were experiencing the same.. Mostly females in which I think
include in the age group of 20-40. Poor mothers instead of taking care of their
own child, here they are patiently giving care to someone they didn’t know and
without any blood relationship… JUST FOR THE SAKE OF MONEY…. What should we do
then?? We have no choice…

Philippines

in fact is a poor county…let’s all accept the reality… If you’re not competent
enough or your family doesn’t have enough money to support their children for
their education then you have no choice but to go to other country and work as
long as there is a job that suits for you even though it’s quite degrading and difficult
one.

I thought
that when Filipinos decides to leave our country to work, they were happy and
they love their job but as what I’ve heard during that moment I realized how
our Domestic Helpers were struggling just to earn for a living and they can do
that just for the sake of their love ones… Yes

Philippines

enjoy a lot for our
remittances for the dollars were giving to the Philippine economy…yes it is
true that it helps to loosen the tight belt for our economic phenomenon…but the
thing is… Does our government notice how much suffering we have in foreign
country? Does our government officials knows anything about being DH for
different kinds of people and culture?? Those officials don’t have any idea
what’s going on with their fellow fillipinos…all they know is that, in every Filipino
who leaves their county they see it as a benefit without even thinking on how
to stop the growth of Filipino population in different countries…. Don’t they
have any idea on how to focus to the Philippine job vacancies and the salary
rate that would be enough for every Filipino family? So that every Families
might enjoy the benefit of being “FAMILY” in the sense that they are all
together… A mother can guide her children as they grow and the father as well
and the children can grow in a well nurture environment focusing in their
studies and sooner will become a good citizen of our country and later become a
good leader… Don’t they think about that?? In our current case, how many Filipino
families are intact? Are complete? You can even count it in your
fingertips,,,why??? Because either their mother or their father or their
sister/brother is in other country working…working… just to provide a good
future for all of their love ones.

I just hate
it… maybe because I belong to that family…. Never complete…I hope that the
Philippine Government should look into this Phenomenon. Maybe they got used to
it… but everyone is affected and yes…I’m totally affected seeing my fellow Filipino
suffering from the hands of other country… If only Philippines is a rich
country then there’s no need for us to go to different countries….there’s no
need for every family member to experience the agony of leaving their love ones
because of money….