The Real me

Wow.. Can’t
believe that I ‘m here now… Am I still dreaming?…. I hope so… leaving your own
home is quite frustrating… I’ve been with this dilemma for almost 2 weeks now…
and still can’t believe it…. What are the things that made me decide to do this
… when all I know is that… it will affect my whole life…. Not only my career
but the way I see things from its different perspective…

Some says I’m
lucky… blessed and everything goes with it… all of the positive things that you
want to hear… Successful, smart has a bright shining future that’s waiting for
me out there…. But the thing is… am I really happy?? If Happiness is the reason
for me to live then I think I must die now… there’s no such thing as happiness
in real life situation… I can never have both…. Happiness and money at the same
time…. Yes I’m young at the age of 22 I have accomplished a lot of things…things
that normally some of my age group don’t have yet…. I feel glad about it…
nurture my life with all the plans listed in my dreams and vision in life… that’s
the way I must live… plans…planner…lists of all the things I want…money power
and everything….I’m so tired of it… it is already expected… it was written and
well planned… perfect! Applause everyone…. (I am sarcastic now…come on….) ohh… I
don’t like it anymore… I don’t want to live if living for me is so perfect….

I now
realized how afraid I am… (Coward of everything) afraid to fail…afraid to lose
money…afraid to lose career and afraid of so many things…. Things that are not
yet to come…. I hope I can live with it… Lord please help me, to get through it…
Give me the reason to live … and teach me how to appreciate the blessings you’re
giving…Help me to ease the pain of homesick and the feeling of anxiety every time
I misses my family, love ones and friends… help me to get along with this
foreign country and let me live normally even though being normal is so tiring
and boring…

Lord help
me to get through this… I am giving it all to you… save me from pain and give
me a peaceful soul….to live day by day…